studpoet's blog

The worst thing a former drug addict could hear is that they were better when they were high. Unfortunately, I have to say that to Eminem. The problem is now I know why I wasn’t a big fan of any of his full cd’s after The Marshall Matthers LP. He’d spiraled into some serious drug use making most of the songs on his cd’s lame. Although, each of the cd’s had a couple of tasty singles for the most part the albums themselves were disjointed. I get it. But that makes me sadder.  Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? He phoned in his performance at the VMA’s and I watched that clip of him with Jay Z at the DJ Hero launch party---want the game; hated the performance.

I can imagine this is hard for Em. I mean if all of the time you’ve been performing you’ve been doing it from behind a blunted, liquored, pilled up haze then actually having to perform sober is probably almost trippier than doing ‘shrooms all day.

Yet, I can’t give him that slack.

Yes, his rhyme skills are still sick. As much as I hate to even hear the verses for 3AM I find myself looping the chorus in my head. And quiet as kept, its one of the best beats on the cd (although clearly Dre can’t find his way out of his own formula if you showed him the exit). I could (and so could the world) have absolutely done without “We Made You”; it was “My Name is…” at its worst. Em you are a star you don’t need the gimmicks.

Actually…maybe he does.

I’ve always thought of Em as the white dude in a group of black guys that would do anything. He was the dude they’d point to and say, “Marshall is a crazy muthafucka!” as he’s stuffing corn chips up his nose while licking the cocaine plate dry. But despite that, he earned my respect as an Emcee by being a lyrical monster. There was a point where he was killing most of the MC’s out there and I put him in the same category with Jay, Nas, Rakim, Biggie, and Tupac.

But you know what?

I know that your life is hard. Yet, when my life is harder I have a very difficult time feeling empathy for a multimillionaire. The “poor me” shtick died for me on The Marshall Mathers LP. He was the first celebrity that I had compassion for when he dropped the bomb that is, “The Way I Am.” I got it. Anyone who listened got it. Here was a trailer park kid whose life suddenly was like winning the lottery---damn near broke one minute; got enough money to pay rent the next. It was a jolt. Everything about that cd resonated with me because it was truly ambitious but real and simply one of the best cd’s of all time. If I put together a top five hip hop cd’s that to this day I can pretty much bump all the way through…it’s in there.  The only song on there I can’t listen to is “Kim.” It’s way too much. On the new cd, the song that even touches close to my heartstrings has got to be “Beautiful” the song he admits to writing after coming out of his brief stay at rehab during one of his moments over these past four years where he was sober before he really got into sobriety years later. But still, I don’t feel sad for a multimillionaire and their oh, so problem filled lives.

I know Biggie said more money more problems but you know what? I think I’d rather have the more money and deal with the more problems.

I’ll quote Jay-Z right here when he said recently on the Angie Martinez show, “...[money] gives you more freedom than anything.” So Em I’m sorry I’m done with the “woe is me; I’m rich.” Boo-hoo’ing. Keep it to yourself. You got enough money and clout to surround yourself with the people that you want to be around and work with the people you want to work with. I don’t have that luxury. Most people don’t.

My other question is, if you’re sober, why all the songs with the drug references? Since I know that you’re sober, “Crack a Bottle” just isn’t as realistic or fun. Addiction is some crazy shit and it’s nothing to poke fun at. So I can’t even laugh with Em anymore. What I see is a man trying to hold onto some semblance of the character that he created; that is in part him. But why do that? If you can’t be you; sober you, then stop recording. And if you can’t do that, you might want to keep sobriety to yourself cause who really believes you now?

But there’s a small price to pay for that. Think about Mary J Blige. We all love that Mary is happy and sober and living life in a positive way. But shit everybody in some ways misses depressed addicted Mary. The music was better. It’s a fans stupid selfishness. If you are gonna be sober and have fan buy in you gotta give us the things that we loved about you. Mary is slowly doing that. Em, you got a long way to go.

It’s not that the game didn’t miss Em. While he was gone Soulja Boy and idiots like him threatened to take over the hip hop empire. While Em was gone the internet became the place to “discover” music. While he was gone we lost him.

I don’t wish addiction onto anyone. It’s the monkey that can kill you. It’s the monkey that will torture you. It’s the monkey that weighs you down even as you’re watching all of your world crumble. But Em, you’re gonna have to get yourself together. I believe that the only reason why Relapse sold so much in it’s first week is because people are starving for your music. Asher thought he could have that spot but his cd turned out to be lame frat boy hip hop. He should’ve stuck to the underground. Today’s true lyrical beasts tend to turn out more music online than they could even push on SoundScan, which is where Asher should have stayed.

But like most Em fans I was fiending for his next cd, only to be let down…big time. I’m gonna keep it on my list for awhile, maybe it’ll grow on me. But honestly, right now I’m looking to Jay to revitalize hip hop. Sorry Em, go back to the lab…or rather I’ll see you in 6 months when Relapse 2 comes out. Oh and tell Dre he can keep Detox. 

OMG!!! This is probably the best news of reboots evar!!!

Why is this going to be the shit?!! I remember the first time I saw the tv movie; my mom, my brother and I had to share a mattress in our new home and we bedded down to watch this series. It was simply one of the best movies I'd ever seen up to that point. Yeah it was campy and the acting left a bit to be desired. But I loved it!!!

Here's an original episode from the series itself.

If you were too young to watch this originally then you definitely should try and either get it from Netflix or rent it. Its great!

clips courtesy of abc.com and pinkisthenewblog.com

What we're hearing from the right is this...waterboarding is not torture. Waterboarding is intensive interrogation. Ann Coulter even likened it to a "fraternity prank."

So, that means that if waterboarding is not torture then American citizens who are in the custody of other countries can now feel free to waterboard their detainee's, because according to Bush holdovers this is not torture.

How very interesting.

HowStuffWorks has a really great video and some really cool links describing, "What is waterboarding." The video shows what would be considered "minimal" waterboarding. It is the dripping of water on the forhead or the streaming water on the forehead both with restraints and without. This is not even the most extreme version where a bag is put over the detainee's head and water is poured directly through the bag until the individual's psychological and physical reaction to the belief that they are being drowned kicks in.

Call me crazy. Call me a crazy liberal. But...even the most mild forms of waterboarding seem like a psychological mind fuck and therefore seem like torture.

I think its interesting that pundits like to talk about individuals that torture as terrorists, animals, evil etc. But if we are using the same techniques then aren't we evil, terrorist animals too?

Just a thought.

*lol*

I've been thinking a lot about kids lately.

Mostly, I've been thinking about the fact that I am growing more and more comfortable with the idea of not having any.

I freely admit that I'm selfish. I'm selfish with my time, my money, my energy, my intellect, my...everything. I have one person in my life that I am not selfish with and we even need time outs every day to recharge and reconnect. Relationships are fulfilling but they are indeed work with a capital "W."

I was an awkward adolescent. I had no concept of style (whether it was hairstyle or clothing), I was embarrassed by my likes and dislikes, I was goofy and smart in a not cool nerd way, and I only wished to be like the "cool" kids never once recognizing that my quirkiness was a wonderful trait.

The other part of this is that I knew from a very early age that I was different. I didn't have the language for it as a kid but as I grew up I knew that I was gay. Most young people today can't believe there was a time when Gay/Straight Alliances and the conversation about gay marriage wasn't a part of the societal landscape but back in 1986-87 when I started high school there was no way I was gonna talk about my sexuality.

Add that to my already natural awkwardness that most people have as teenagers and I was fit to be tied. It didn't help that I was stood up for my prom and had to go with my brother (thanks bro!) when I really just wanted to go with my best friend (who eventually became my first lover).

Now at 37, just three years shy of 40, I'm experiencing a type of late adolescence. Actually, I'm re-experiencing my 20's. My reoccurring adolescence came when I went to college at 25. That was another kind of awkward experience. But it helped me sort of see the person that I wanted to become.

Let me stop right here...most of you are probably thinking...HOW FUCKING SAD IS THIS.

To you I say...yeah, it kind of is sad. It's sad that our society was so closed to me and who I wanted to be that I was simply afraid to come out and say, "Hey, I'm a lesbian and I'm butch and I like boy clothes and yes, I want to wear a tux to prom and take my girlfriend."

Anyway...I'm finally coming into my own. I have a job that pays well, I have my own style, I'm comfortable in my skin and my sexuality, I like what I like and I don't apologize for it. I'm a moderate liberal who is fascinated by the far right (in the same way that most people are fascinated by monkey house at the zoo--my they do remind me of actual humans). And I'm in a very healthy, constantly evolving, loving relationship with my best friend. What more could I ask for?

Nothing.

I don't want to sacrifice these things for another mouth to feed, a butt to wipe, a fear of the future...I just don't think I can do it. And then I look (and work with) today's young people. They are almost a collective of umbilical cord attached idiots. They have this misguided belief (well ingrained into their psyches by their toolshed parents) that they are special (more special than anyone else), that they are entitled, and that they are the center of the universe and we all work for them. The last one I think most kids between 13-18 believe but those first two really get to me. This generation, the millenials are supposed to be the "next great generation." Generation X (my generation) has and continues to be shit on as lazy ingrates and yet all the tech that millenials frequent and help jump the shark are designed for the most part by Gen X'ers.

But besides that I watch shows like Oprah which talk about kids and online predators and read articles or see stories about kids talking about having oral sex because, "its not sex." and all this crap that I'm thinking, "This world is fucked why would I ever bring an innocent into it?"

And back to my selfishness, when people have kids they do have to give up something. The majority of their free time. Its not to say that you can't still have hobbies. But most hobbies cost money and time and I don't want to have to share that. I believe that kids should be the center of your world. You should invest lots of time and money into them. If you can't afford to have a kid then you shouldn't have one and if you can't afford one kid you definitely shouldn't have more! When I say afford I mean the tax that comes with kids...the tax being the emotional and financial cost that kids require and deserve.

I just got enough of that for one full time person in my life. I ain't got it for nobody else.

I have nieces and I love being an aunt. I watch them grow and joke with one of my brothers about the little terror he's raising that will probably have to live with me when she's a teenager because she's going to be just like him---stubborn and mischevious only in girl form. Its the thing that he's most afraid of...as it seems most men are...a daughter who has the same independent streak as them.

This summer we are planning a trip to Vegas for our anniversary. Its not that I think people with kids can't do this. But if we had a kid there would be the added cost of who would watch the munchkin for a week. And could we even afford that trip? Shit, fuck the trip, could we even be able to afford our car payment?

I am a gamer and I don't want to give that up. I spend money on games almost bi-weekly. I want every system and I'm looking forward to getting a new flatscreen to play my games on. I am experiencing the life that I always wanted and I know its selfish but I know if I had kids I don't think I could have that.

All this to say I think we as a society have done a great thing by acknowledging that kids are not miniature adults. They don't need to work in coal mines and on farms and in factories to "earn their keep." I think understanding that childhood and adolescence is a part of a humans natural growing process is wonderful. I think what we have done wrong is that we coddle children to the point that today's children are in essence children way longer than they need to be.

I may feel like a big kid at heart but there is no way I would think at 37 of living at home with my parents. Sorry, I'll downgrade to a studio and get a part time job before I'd ever do that. I'm experiencing my 20's again not infancy. And I'm not talking about living with mom and dad to help them out financially for a few months, I'm talking bout grown ass folks moving into their parents house and they are helping you. Uh-uh. I'm not trying to be judgmental but you gotta take a look at yourself if this has gone down. Really, homie, step back and take a look.

I do however think about the future. Most people who are deciding about kids do it. The thing is this is the wrong reason to think about having kids, "well, if i have them then they'll take care of me when i get old." or "what if i regret not having them."

First, hoping your lil crumb snatchers will take care of you when they're old is probably the worst reason to have kids. It's possible your kid could be a serial killer and spends your old age in prison or maybe you're their first victim. Shit, maybe your kid just doesn't feel that responsibility towards you and when you're old yo ass will be in a nursing home. Maybe your kid will be living under your roof, eating your food, and living off your pension when (s)he's an adult. Maybe your kid dies as a child or adolescent or young adult. I mean there are so many more maybes of tragedy before you can even think about them being an adult who actually wants you in their lives when they grow up. Bad reason to have kids.

Second, regretting not having kids is almost as bad as "staying together for the kids sake." Both are simply bullshit. If you even thought your genes were worth passing on you would have done so by now. Most people who want babies tend to jump right into the pool without thinking. Their happy accidents tend to be on their radar from the moment they can conceive or create. But what if you have this baby and you regret having the baby. Damn...that's a mistake you can't take back. I'd rather err on the side of caution. I'd rather foster or be a bomb ass aunt (or maybe in your case uncle) and get all the cool parts of parenting without the bad crap.

I guess I just think having kids should be thought out more. I think most people should sit back and really follow through with the understanding of what it means to be a parent. It's amazing to me that parenting is still idolized and romanticized. Even the crying baby at 3am, gets this little "ahhh" tingle moment in commercials and movies. Please. I don't even like being awake at 3am on a weekday to play video games much less to hear some wailing from the other room. And I know people say, "well if you had kids you'd understand." Like hell. I know plenty of people with kids and most of them are unhappy. Unhappy with their lives because their kids are the reason why they are in relationships with people they dislike, the fact that they have a kid and the baby daddy ain't paying child support, they can't afford to do shit cause the baby needs its shots or meds or just some damn milk. They can't have a decent conversation on the phone cause the baby is crying or the little kid keeps interrupting. I mean then when they do go out they act like plumb idiots because its like, "woo-hoo baby free night! I need to drink until my brain explodes." Its really simply sad.

I do on the other hand know people who have kids and they love it. fortunately we are still cool cause they recognize that their experience is not the norm and my life without kids doesn't make me a spinster or some weird casualty of "the liberal left." *chuckle* Yet, they are few and far between. Mostly what I see when I see parents are people who have only one nerve left and the kid is trouncing all over it. And of course, I see the result of bad parenting every day. It's not enough that parents these days are so overwhelmingly attached to thier children but they just don't know how much they are ruining their kids for the future. It's sad when I'm sitting in front of a parent and a child and the parents are pleading with me for answers that thier child should be giving them.

*sigh*

The more I see things about kids; the more I know that I don't really want to be a parent. I just don't think I have it in me.   

Most people who are anti-abortion are also anti-sex education and pro-abstinence education.

How can this be? Wouldn't a comprehensive sex education course starting in junior high be the best way to keep young women from having abortions? I mean if we teach comprehensive sex education anchored with the understanding that abstinence is the only 100% way of keeping yourself safe from STD's and pregnancy be the best way to keep young people from having sex too soon but also keep young women from having abortions. Teaching abstinence without having conversations about all the other stuff that goes into sex and sexuality isn't very smart.

Most people who are anti-abortion are also anti-universal health care.

How can this be? If you're anti-abortion then you must care about children. And if you care about children you also should care about their health and well-being. Not only their health and well-being but their parents health and well-being. You'd want that kid to be able to have access to the best doctors, dentists, and other types of physicians and services so that they can be productive members of society. One cannot just care about the cells in the womb and turn their backs on the children that are born. That simply doesn't make sense.

Most people who are anti-abortion are also interested in keeping schools segregated and on uneven playing fields.

How can this be? If we are a country built on competition then wouldn't it be better to have competition in the board room and not in the classroom. Meaning, shouldn't every child get the best education that we as a society can supply. Why is it that one neighborhood has a school that hasn't been repaired or worked on since 1960 but another school two blocks away has a state of the art computer lab? If education is for the social good of all. And if we are supposed to be the leaders in education then why are our school systems educational needs going unmet?

Most people who are anti-abortion are also pro-capitalism even to the demise of its most innocent members of the society---children.

How can this be? If children were so special and so important that from the moment of conception they are to be cherished (regardless if you want them or not) then shouldn't this extend throughout their lives? I'm not saying that capitalism is wrong. At the very basic of its principles it is about competition. If I offer a lower price and you can beat me then people have the opportunity to make the choice on which product they like better. But I guess I don't understand how we can live in a capitalist society and yet we deny access to the best from our littlest and according to anti-abortionists the most innocent of our society.

The real irony...after all of this...Most people who are anti-abortion are pro-death penalty.

How can this be? The cells in the womb are more important than the adult those cells grew to become? It is the above conditions that often lead to men and women committing crimes that lead our justice system to then...well...murder them. It is a post partum abortion really. Its like we kinda waited to see how the kid would turn out before we aborted him or her. Yet, in some ways we set up this system as an opportunity to after pregnancy weed people out. We set up a system of poverty, low to no health care, a lacking educational system which often leads to more crime and....shocker...more unwanted pregnancies.

It makes no sense to me. Especially when often the anti-abortion conversation is laced with a supposedly Christian sentiment. Being Christ-like is supposed to be about charity good will love for your fellow (wo)man. It is about supporting and helping society become the best it can be. I agree with some of these activists when they say that its possible we might be getting rid of some great minds by aborting them. But how about the great minds that we do not sustain when they are born who then turn to crime or drugs because of society's indifference to them after they are released from the womb. Or some could argue one woman's abortion is the demise of another woman's Hitler.

I've been thinking alot about this recently as I watch the right grow even more psychotic in their bitterness towards Obama. They are becoming almost even more extreme in their thinking. I don't see how ensuring that our society gets better is worse for our society. I don't understand how universal health care makes us socialists. I don't see how ensuring that all children get the best education they can get is socialism. I don't understand how giving young people all the facts before they have sex maks our society evil and deviant. Competition is great but how can it be competition if there is no level playing field for us to compete on? Conservatives argue about affirmative action and how its about quotas but if we leveled opportunities for youth out then we could eliminate most of the need for affirmative action. The other part of affirmative action conversations is about race and racism. A convo America doesn't want to deal with....see avoidance of Racism conference for understanding.

I don't have some snappy finish for this. I've just been thinking about it alot.